deeply, badly, sadly.....

i'm currently deeply, badly, sadly in mood...
dun mess with me!!!!!!
i.....
very emo now.....
my exam.....
gone.....

memories.....

last night i was very no mood to study...
then,
wat a coincident was my tortoise fren told me that we can use the wireless in room...
i thought the last date to use it was 5nov??
weird...
but who cares....
i tried thousands of time oni i managed to sign in with the jaring net...
then...
i spent my whole night online in my room....
chatting n blogging....

after i was bored with it,
i went through some of my old photos...
i happened to c this pic...



do u know wat is this?
it's a doll named triangel...
a triangel is not a doll...
it's an angel...
as i heard,
it brings fate to loving couples...
it's all about love...

this triangel of mine, 
(although i forgotten where did i put it)
was a gift from my ex-bf....
we bought in pesta ang pau's carnival...
this triangel of mine brings a msg,
which is,
一生一世只爱你一个。
**yi sheng yi shi zhi ai ni yi ge....
**for my banana frens' understanding...

although it's very saddening that he is now my ex...
(err,
not that saddening oso lar....)
i still like this triangel alot...
just that,
i really can't recall back where did i chak it...

one more thing,
i suddenly flash back to my ex's words...
there was one afternoon,
he was staring at this triangel as he was kind of like his...
his was rainbow coloured 1...
then he told me later on,
he felt like he's going into the triangel...
felt like been possessed...
mmm....
creepy?
maybe it's really a triANGEL....
if u were to get a triangel for urself n ur partner,
try looking into the eyes...
it's really possessive...
i've tried too....
(**only if the triangel u buy is original lar... haha...)

a lazy day to study....
again....

.....

can someone ask the devil that had been aftering me to leave me alone???

my sky is raining every single day...

when will the sun come out again??

hellllpp!!!!

i wanna b like this....

not like this....

i hate examSSSSSS......

since i was a kid,

i started to hate exams....

i believe many other kids feel the same way i did....

or even,

U, 

are feeling wat i feel now....

i stil remember when i was in primary,

whenever i have exams,

before i go to skul for my papers,

my mom would call me to calm me down through the phone...

asking me not to get too nervous,

just try my best n that's it n etc.....

i don't remember that habit lasted how long...

maybe since i was small,

my results always been better than my bro,

so my mom put quite alot of hope in me...

until now,

far away from her,

in this uni all on my own,

i've learnt how to not depend on her so much...

i dunno when i'm far away from her,

she gets more releases or worries...

when i went for nasional service for 3 months,

my aunt told me that my mom din worry so much about me compared to when i stayed at home...

the gap between today's paper n the previous paper is 2 days...

i spent those 2 days to study everything that's in syllabus...

n i managed to finish everything in this early morning around 5am...

then i went to sleep...

i din think it was enough for me to sit for the paper...

i planned to wake up few hours later to do some exercise as it's a paper about applying math in managements....

although i was too sleepy to wake up,

i stil managed to wake up early in the morning...

but i was very lazy to do exercises....

i forced myself to do some though....

coz i slept through all the classes for this subj...

at least i really understand those elements after reading the textbook(in english)...

honestly,

all those chapters were too much for this final paper....

all the calculations required damn lots of time...

damn long...

i studied until reached a point that,

i dun wan to study more this afternoon....

until,

i feel my tears was rolling in my eyes...

i told myself it was not the right time to give up...

i tried to calm myself down...

no cure,

it's messy until i din know wat to do...

then i din feel that nervous b4 i entered the exam hall...

i was quite steady..

but when i started doing the questions,

i know this subj is gone...

i know i've read those things...

but i din know how to do....

1 thing i wanna say is,

the main reason for this was bcoz those questions were in malay while i oni read the english textbook...

a simple word, 

'tahap perkhidmatan',

i took more than 15 minutes to realise that it means 'service level'....

wat the heck!!!

they used to put those english term beside those malay translated terms...

but not this time...

wat is this??!!!

it was so hard for me to even explain my answers in malay coz i read the english text....

then those words seemed so hard to understand bcoz diff from text...

haih...

i really no mood after paper...

plus today i got another mid term test's result...

55...

out of 100....

then thinking,

my car tires punctured yesterday...

yesterday early morning when i was supposed to send my fren to her fac to meet her lecturer,

i realised something wrong with my car....

not far after i left my college,

i stopped by a bus stop n asked my fren to check for me as i was wearing short...

then she told me,

2 tires were punctured....

wat the!!!!!!

i.....

got speechless at that time....

y is this happening to me????

can someone please tell me???

for this sem,

beside getting into 2 accidents,

god wants me to get 2 tires puncture at the same time....

i was already so tensed up with my exam...

plus din do well in few papers in mid sem....

after my new myvi finished repairing,

now this saga that i'm driving.....

haih....

this time i really get scoldings from my dad....

but i really dunno y the tires will puncture...

ok,

according to the mechanic in the workshop,

one tire might got poked,

the other one,

might bcoz the tire was already run out of air....

i shud say,

somebody poke my tire,

or,

i was too stupid to not to keep checking on my car??

but it wasn't all my fault,

i really got no time to care about the car as i was too busy....

busy on studyings....

then yesterday i called my senior to change tires for me....

feel so bad coz always trouble him alot....

then,

my dad went for an operation yesterday...

although it's a minor operation,

but i feel bad coz i din know anything about it until my mom told me on the previous day...

then somemore make him worry bout me for my car's tires puncture....

he din admit hospital...

after the operation he went back home n rest....

my mom told me it was an operation to take off a lump on my dad's back...

a non harmful lump i guess....

then today both of my parents came to my college to take the tires to change....

**actually they took the car with the tires back lar... ^^

n send me the myvi at the same time....

i feel so troublesome to make them come all the way here to.....

haih....

i believe i'm a very useless daughter....

my mood actually very bad now....

err,

then back to just now....

juz now not long after my exam,

my mom called me on the phone....

she asked me about my paper....

i felt so terrible until so scared to face her....

dunno how to tell her....

she asked me y couldn't i do the paper...

i said i dunno....

n asked me was it bcoz i din finish study....

then i said i finish studied everything ady, but stil dunno how to do....

then,

she...

oso dunno wat to say lar....

she must be thinking,

"y r u so stupid??"

haha....

jkjk...

haih...

not funny...

i really dunno how to face my mom after all....

she must be very disappointed with my results for this sem....

i really feel bad mood now...

too many incidents happened to me recently....

many things go wrong this sem....

i was so not 'me'.....

i was so not right....

i was so.....

wrong.....

**sorry for making u confused with my blog,

i dunno how to write properly when my mood is this bad....

let me cry 1st...

to release some stress....

给遥远的你的一番话.....

为什么你总是一副理所当然的样子？

为什么你说你是全心全意，可是我却感觉不到？

为什么你说你会珍惜，可是我却不觉得？

为什么你总是那么天真地认为，我们会没有尽头？

我付出得累了你知道吗？

我迁就得累了你知道吗？

我配合得累了你知道吗？

我沉默得累了你又知道吗？

一直在犹豫不决的我，你知道多少？

一直在给你机会的我，你知道多少？

一直在等待你的改变的我，你又知道多少？

你以为，改掉那个对你不好的习惯，就很伟大，

而我，却觉得你觉得的那种伟大是一种悲哀。

伟大的是，是为我而改。

悲哀的是，是你以为要你改掉那个坏习惯是为我好。

更悲哀的是，是你以为改掉了那个坏习惯，就能证明你对我的心。

是吗？

你一度的遗失了我，重新回到你身边的我觉得，

你依然是你，

而我，

好像已经不是我了。

是你追不上我？

还是我追不上你那种望得太远的眼光？

你知道我是那么的不自在吗？

你知道我是那么的懊恼吗？

你知道我是那么的无奈吗？

你，知道我吗？

就连一个属于我内心世界的地方，

你知道是一个怎样的地方，可是你却不知道在哪里。

我应该如何回应你对我的‘无知’呢？

我不知道。

也不想知道。

已经几个月不见了。

思念是什么？

是用口说的吗？

你以为你给的自由是我要的。

你以为你的成熟是我欣赏的。

你有把你的心放在我心里想过吗？

你知道我觉得你的成熟是一种幼稚吗？

你知道我觉得你给的自由是一种束缚吗？

我对你，已经无言以对。

已经不知所措。

已经不知道如何是好。

你，

又知道吗？

been attacked...

as usual,

i spent the whole afternoon in room to study for my next paper...

i din turn on any music so that i could concentrate...

then,

i heard some noise from outside...

guess wat's that?

it's the sound of the rubbish bin been turned upside down...

it's the monkeys again...

i thought of ignoring it...

then the sound came again...

i've decided to go out n shoo them away...

as i really hate the smell of the rubbish...

i could smell it whenever i go toilet...

then i walked out to try my best to shoo them b4 they could make it any worse...

but i failed....

even there's only 1 monkey there....

the monkey jus not afraid of me even i stomped my feet on the groud....

=.="

then,

i returned to my room n continue my studies....

then,

later after that,

i heard someone was trying to chase the monkeys off...

but they seemed to be frightened by the monkeys...

they scream, ran back to their rooms n banged their room doors....

err....

ok...

it was quite funny when u actually heard someone shooing the monkeys with rough tone, 

then stomp on the ground,

then the sound of monkeys fighting back,

then their footsteps of running back to their rooms,

then bang the doors...

haha...

then i was curious about it...

so,

i opened my door n looked from my doorstep....

at 1st i thought this is it....

then it gets into this.....

can u count how many are there?

take a break.....

while waiting for my fren to come back from her exam to go for dinner,

n after bathe,

n been too 'no time' to blog,

now here i m,

to post my last blog b4 i can't online in my room anymore....

(y can't i online in my room anymore?

because i'm currently using a wireless network provided by my residential which is in trial period...

n the trial period is until 5th nov, which is tomoro...)

8.21pm,

juz back from dinner at hentian kajang with my fren n one of the junior...

feel bad to blog now,

but i NEED to blog...

aih,

2 more days to go for another paper...

it's a tough 1...

actually all papers are tough for me as i attended classes with an empty brain n finished classes with an empty mind as well....

last week was study week,

i took oni 2 days leave on weekends to go home then stayed in college for the whole study week...

i was pretty stressed with my books that time...

until,

i wanna give up by letting myself to go pasar malam at taman connaught in cheras...

i spent the whole night there buying foods n stuffs...

i bought one cute baggie for my hp....

this is it...

nice?

i took quite some time to choose 1...

then i bought 2 cute cute deco with light in it...

cute?

hee..

the pig represents my mom...

n guess the bunny represents who??

hee..

that night i really was impressed by the pasar malam...

so damn long n crowded n loaded with all kinds of food stuffs...

i ate until very full...

n buy until my purse very empty...

that was one of the incident...

another thing was,

i went to sing not oni once during the whole study week...

continuously 2 days of singing k in kajang n oso jusco cheras selatan...

after a one night trip to connaught pasar malam,

we went to sing k in jusco cheras selatan as we had the free voucher...

we sang until they wanna close up...

then the next day,

we went to sing in kajang,

again bcoz of the free voucher...

(those vouchers expired on 31st oct, that's y....)

he was the one who got the free vouchers...

devil....

he say he dun like to sing 1 wor...

so we forced him to sing lor...

he's our PTUKM 29's director....

hehe....

aih...

i did feel guilty for going to sing....

but i couldn't control myself to go for those relaxing entertainments...

then talk to my mom on the phone,

as usual,

she knows me better than anyone else does...

she told me one sentence,

"u must always learn to say 'no'."

aih....

i should've talk to her earlier then i would've said 'no'.....

too late....

even after saying 'no',

i stil went for baskin robin on 31st oct night....

haha....

31% discount on all ice cream wat...

so, y not?

hee....

yo....

my best 'coursemates'....

2 quartz shared among 6 persons...

we even take away...

'geng'??

those ice creamS were so delicious until u'll feel so happy to eat it...

during that week,

i was really stress.....

i even cried a few times....

i was very afraid of this sem's exam...

beside those papers are tough,

i seriously dunno anything about those subjs...

i even got quite bad results for few subjs for mid term test...

i really feel i won't get dean's list for this sem...

i dunno how much my mom will be disappointed if this really happen....

or i was giving too much pressure to myself?

it was already very surprising that i could maintain dean's list for 2 sems....

this is all about luck...

i hope the angel that granted me with this luck will follow me forever...

haha,

maybe too much...

it's enough even for only 2 more years...

(hoho, until i get a job after grad)

besides all these sad things,

there were few funny things oso lar...

n the funny part was all about monkeys....

1st of all,

i wanna say,

i really do not hate monkeys that much even they are all over in UKM...

n they look ugly...

but,

i wanna say,

sometimes i really hate them....

ok,

1st,

there was one afternoon which i felt very sleepy,

then i fell asleep halfway studying,

i oso dunno y,

i suddenly popped up from my dreamland n saw those ugly n hungry monkeys at the windows..

they were trying to grab those food on my table...

adui....

it was a shock,

but immediately shoo them away with fierce noises n,

oso stamping my feet...

they really stubborn lor....

so thick skin 1...

shoo oso dun wan go...

still looking at me as if i owed them millions tons of 'bananas'...

gurrrpp.....

aiyo...

i oso dunno how much energy i'd used up to chase them away...

need to sleep back to refill the energy...

haha...

excuse...

thanks to 'jeannie in the bottle'!!

all the food stuffs were safe...

2nd,

this is nothing much funnier lar..

again monkeys...

there was one afternoon which i went to toilet to wash my mug...

then,

the scene was already as horrible as this...

well,

if u r a resident in my college,

u won't be surprised by this...

this scene means the rubbish bin was attacked by the monkeys already...

so....

ok,

then i walked in the toilet....

the monkeys at the window din frighten me,

the rubbish all over din surprise me..

but,

the human being hiding behind the wall in the toilet gave me a shock....

i was like,

'oppsss,

wat the heck r u hiding behind that dirty wall?

r u playing hide n seek or wat????'

question marks filled my head up...

then she asked me,

'are the monkeys still outside??'

'err, there wasn't any monkey outside.' i answered...

haha...

i din dare to laugh at her at that moment...

ok...

next,

last but not least,

someday after those monkeys attacked my floor's rubbish bin,

i need to go out with my car for dinner....

sure it was night time...

when i get in the car,

i saw some yellowish string-like things on my car's windscreen...

i din know wat was that...

so i was trying to use wiper to wash it off...

but,

it just sticked to the windscreen...

pek cek...

dunno wat the heck was that...

then forget about it...

i din go n find out when i got down from the car for dinner....

then after dinner,

i back to my college...

when i got down from the car,

i saw something that looks like mee on top of my car roof...

oh my god!!!

there was once,

those monkeys ate twisties on my myvi n left the packaging on my car....

now,

mee....

gosh!!!

they think my car is a table for them to have meals....

(btw, i dun label my name on my car,

y my myvi kena,

now saga oso kena?

n not other cars....

???)

besides,

when i was too stress to study,

my senior took me n my fren out for a ride...

we went to the 'elegant' putrajaya for a night view...

this is me... ss abit... nvm lar....

me with pei li...

this place is really nice....

look at the mosque behind us...

it's gigantic...

haha...

me on the bridge...

u see another bridge behind me?

love this view...

we spent within 1-2hours at putrajaya...

then went back to prepare for the war....

err,

actually after putrajaya,

i went to my fren's house to study with another 2 frens...

then,

when i reached,

they were about to go for supper..

then i go with them lor...

then,

after supper,

i felt sleepy...

i tried my very best to not to fall asleep..

until i couldn't take it,

i asked my fren to wake me up few hours later...

n u know how he woke me up?

he used his index finger n poke my shoulder...

the 1st time he did it,

i woke up a little...

the 2nd time,

i woke up n looked at him..

the 3rd time he did it,

i looked at him n went back to sleep...

haha..

actually thought ask him to wake me up then he can sleep...

coz we actually dun plan to sleep...

but....

who can really take it....

ok,

we not oni went to our fren's house to study..

we even went to lecture room to study...

this is taken while bored of study...

cool?

this is taken after finish eating durian cake n choc cake...

c the box beyond the sunglass??

is this pic nice?

if yes,

post a compliment in my comment box please..

thank you for ur compliments...

if no,

err,

tell me can ady...

dun post in my comment box...

this was taken when my pig fren starts sleeping in the afternoon around 3++pm...

got influent by her,

me got caught at that night with this sleeping pose...

doink.....

c the star shape on the side table?

it's a highlighter...

this is how my room table looks like during my study week n exam week...

hebat?

this is how well my bed been decorated during these 2 weeks..

with all the earphone, hpS, keys, lotions, wires, books n notes....

n my huge bunny bear...

ok...

i think that's about it for now n today...

if not i'll feel guilty again...

last but not least,

just now when we went for dinner,

i saw someone that looks a lot like someone...

this is the someone we saw...

in case u the pic is blur,

this is without zoom 1...

then,

this is the someone that he looks like...

look alike?

do u agree with me?

if u agree with me,

post a comment in my comment box...

but even if u dun agree,

in fact they really look alike...

=P

k larr...

good luck n take care everyone...

**sob sob,

my 1st exam paper was ruined by myself this morning...