sorry.....

juz got up from my bed...

wanted to sleep,

but failed.....

suddenly remember that my blog been abandoned for quite some time....

so i'm here again....

feeling sad n moody as usual...

i dunno wat's wrong with me.....

i'm so not me recently....

i'm not as confident as usual....

i'm not as optimistic as i USED to be....

i'm not as energetic as i used to be....

i thought this new sem would be a new beginning for me...

but i started to think were all the decisions i made suitable for me?

i feel so tired each n everyday....

i dunno y...

tired of thinking?

or tired of activities??

besides feeling tired,

at most of the nights which i felt extremely sleepy,

i couldn't fall asleep....

is it something wrong with me?

i thought this sem would be better than last sem...

but....

for my course,

i normally can register a max of 20 credit hour for each sem...

each subj normally takes up 3 credit hours....

i need to take at least 18 credit hours this sem to clear my credit hours to make sure i can grad in 3 yrs time...

but guess how many unit i've registered by now??

12 only....

1 subj,

i needed to register manually...

that lect had sent a letter to the office but dunno wat is the staffs doing....

till now stil not yet register for us....

then one more subj,

the prior subj for my majoring paper.....

i'd registered a lecturer that i know i'll take forever to understand his lecture,

then i got an idea by attending another lecturer's class for my understanding n attend my own lecturer's class for attendance...

at 1st the idea was perfect,

but things started to go wrong...

when i told my case to the other lecturer,

she asked me to try to go on our registration website to register for her class as the office might has expended the number of students in each class....

then i drop my class n tried to register for hers,

but failed...

n,

that subj remain unregistered...

i went to her to ask her about that...

she asked me to go to the office to figure it out...

i went n office staffs said she couldn't do anything if without the letter from lecturer....

i....

went down to the lecturer's room again....

this time i got no idea wat else could i say anymore,

so,

me n my fren stood outside her room for a very long time,

then finally enter her room to ask her wat to do next...

guess wat she said?

she asked me to juz enter her class....

she'll settle for me someday...

(the time period for subj registration is only by this week....

that someday, 

is when???)

i need that subj to take my majoring paper next sem....

n without this subj,

i can't take any of my majoring paper....

wat to do?

my fren told me that this lecturer is very kind....

she'll help me with it...

but stil,

how if she really dun wanna help me?

haha...

no need to grad...

quite a good idea...

start working...

or change majoring?

even changing majoring will bring lots of problems....

wat the heck!!!

beside studies....

i think i not good in handling activities as well...

i started to feel fed up with running up n down to take things n apply things....

or is it time management??

wat can i do when 2 meetings happen at the same time?

it's not my fault...

right?

i guess i'm juz giving excuses to myself...

last week,

i spent most of the nights in the room,

watching dramas n movies...

now,

i spend each n everynight with meetings n activities...

n trainings....

maybe it's only this month....

but it's tiring enough already....

until i dun have time left for some other things,

that's important enough to my life...

maybe it's the evil spirit that starts to take over me again....

i'm so DEAD!!!!

the word DEAD reminds me of something....

last month,

err,

actually jus 2-3 weeks ago,

my aunt's bf juz passed away...

her bf died of heart attack...

he actually already had a medical appointment on 8th jan,

but,

who would know things like this will happen...

my aunt told me that the day that he passed away,

he juz gave her a call in the morning n that afternoon itself,

she received that bad news....

my aunt never officially intro this man to the family....

she never even officially admit that she has a bf...

is bcoz he's 22 years older than her....

but none of us dunno about it...

juz that we avoided the topic in front of her...

but even she doesn't tell the elders about it,

she did tell me...

n i saw his photo b4...

on n off when he sent my aunt back,

i happened to see his face as well...

n so,

i 'know' the existence of him in her life/heart....

when my aunt told me about that bad news,

i dunno how to respond to it....

she told me in the car while i driving her to take medicine....

at that time,

i could only ask her not to be sad....

can c that she'd cried so much for that news....

can c that her mind is full with ???? n tears n heartbreaks....

he din leave a word for her...

she wasn't prepared when the last time he talk with her on the phone...

so many words remain unspoken...

i hate this man....

he gave my aunt so many sweet memories...

n yet,

he din give her a nice ending for those memories....

now that he'd gone....

she'd lost a part of herself.....

she got nothing from him....

totally nothing....

he knew the age does matter....

but he still went after my aunt....

this is wat he called love...

which i dun understand....

i hate him....

he makes my aunt cries a thousand nights...

for someone that wouldn't be back....